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Dude, WTF Thirty!

FAINTING GOATS MY PEOPLE

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“Why am I 32 years old and still waitressing?”
I wondered. So I wandered… to my secret bookshelf. The self help one that I hide behind all the novels I’ll never read.I wasn’t in the mood for The Power of Now or The Four Agreements. I needed something more immediate. More practical. My gaze landed on the page-turning thriller, Eating Mindfully, and I had a nice chuckle to myself as I saw the chocolate smear across the cover. I ultimately landed on the book The 7 Habits of Highly Effective People, a perfect scratch to my annoying itch. What’s my problem? I’m not effective. What do I do? Seven things. That’s all. Okay let’s go Tracy!

1.  Be Proactive.

Oh damn.  I have been flirting with this for so long but I’ve been just a notch off course in my execution.  I have been thinking about being proactive.  Okay…  Uh…  Wait…  Oh…  No I think I get it now.  So laying in bed from 7:00am (see, I’m not lazy) till 3:38pm (when I start getting ready for work at 4) paralyzed by a vast sea of options and good intentions doesn’t count?  But it makes me so anxious and tired that if feels like I’ve done something.  Still no?  Wow.  Okay, I’m listening…

2.  Begin with the End in Mind.

This sounds crafty.  Ima gonna make a vision board like in The Secret with the exact mansion I want to live in.  I want it to be blue and I want to have a fainting goat farm because they understand me and I understand them and it is always nice having a community around where I can be myself without explanation.  Overwhelm.  Freeze.   Fall over.  Move on.   As a way of life.  Myotonia Congenita is more than a river in Jordan.  It’s not a river in Jordan.

3.  Put First Things First.

“Prioritize, plan, and execute your week’s tasks based on importance rather than urgency.” 

The last time I fully embraced and acted on my personal hierarchy of importance I ended up profoundly in debt. But if Mr. Covey believes that my thoughts are always nobel and good and in everyone’s best interest, who am I to say otherwise! So I try to work this one out. Don’t do what needs to be done (i.e. bill paying, feeding oneself, showing up to work three minutes late every day) and just do what you have deemed important no mind the fact that as you were trying to prioritize you fainted like 7 times.

4.  Think Win-Win.

I liked that movie.  I watched it the other morning in bed.  Then I watched four more movies.

5.  Seek First to Understand, Then to be understood.

I think this is fancy talk for toting the art of listening.  And then code for using the trust you have so sublimely garnered to gracefully coerce others with your well played words.  Stephen R. Covey, you brilliant little devil!

6.  Synergize.

I think I nailed this one as I just got a Groupon for Jazzercise classes based on a really nice photo with no less than nine smiling ladies.   I feel confident that to Jazzercise with smiling ladies, specifically nine or more, is an above adequate way to synergize due to the irrefutable rhyme that exists between the two words.

7.  Sharpen the Saw.

Scary.  Faint.